8 inspiring women share how to face the tide and sail smoothly

Have you ever thought how did some women manage to progress in their careers while also enjoying life outside of work? They are also leading their part in the same male dominated society as the rest of us. What’s their secret to effectively climb the ladder of success? We asked 8 successful women leaders how did they deal with challenges to accomplish what they have. What’s their advice to women who wish to do something which matters out of their lives? Here’s what they had to say:

1. Be ready to play too many parts – Deepshikha Kumar, Founder and CEO, SpeakInMany of us have to juggle through various roles and responsibilities in our life. Yet, we must pursue our passion with confidence.

So don’t give up because it’s tough, try harder and bounce back with more force each time you fail.

2. Set goals & Prioritize – Simrat Kaur, Founder, Hashtag HandmadePrioritizing and multi tasking is the key to success for women. Many women give up a well paying corporate job and start to work from home to raise kids. The biggest challenge for women in today’s nuclear family set up.

“It gives me flexibility to choose projects and work as per my schedule. After leaving my corporate job, I am working on my passion; probably setting an example for my daughter to follow her heart and pursue her dreams and for my son to respect women with dual roles (home and outside).”

3. Be persistent – Sonya Vohra, AVP Globosport , Founder of Posh19.com (Online Fashion Magazine)Talking about success for women in any corporate or business, it’s an everyday struggle but have to manage to survive it by being persistent and consistent.

“It also becomes tough because – even if we do want to give 100% to work sometimes you can’t just because you have so much to handle professionally and personally and since we are not super humans we do end up missing the mark at times and that momentary weakness can still beat you up.”

4. Stand up for yourself – Saloni Ramani, Founder , Yoga with a TwistDo you give up because people are more judgmental about you than your male colleague? Don’t lose confidence because of trying to prove yourself again and again; move ahead with your dreams passionately.

“Unconditional love and acceptance for oneself will not only raise your self esteem but will give you freedom to be real you and will earn you respect from your peers so just love yourself immensely”

Believe in yourself and don’t let people tell “stop you” because you are a woman.

5. Believe that you have it in you – Minakshi Naithani, AVP, HDFC BankThose of you who are not aware of your own capabilities, this will help.

“It used to be tough but I think now society has accepted the fact that women are at par with their male counterparts if not better.”

I am sure this will make you trust in a brighter future for women, the world is changing for the better.

6. Never underestimate yourself – Shweta Sharma, Vice President – Finance, Blue Hive India, A WPP Group CompanyNot just finance, women are held to higher standards and judged more harshly than men. Shweta’s a perfect example to not to deprive yourself or underestimate for any challenge.

How often do you see men in the maternity ward and day care centers or women in trucking, construction and heavy machinery operations?

The social scientists call this “occupational segregation”. Many are facing these stereotyping in the workplace.

“I believe that no matter what you chose as your field of work, you need to believe in yourself, in your abilities and never take a shortcut for doing your job as only when you learn and master the basics will you be able to move up and handle bigger roles and responsibilities.”

7. Make balance – Richa Vaish Joshi, Deputy Director, Training & Development and Head Hunting, Amity University – Lucknow

Meet the parents of playgroup kids in Gurgaon and you would know that majority of the mothers have either taken a sabbatical or left work to raise their kids.Life is all about making compromises and making the best out of what we have. But that should not stop us from trying.

So I would say you would also see mothers who have molded their lifestyles to meet their kids’ needs as well as their own needs.

8.Find your anchor – Elizabeth Onyeabor, Author, Speaker & CoachI strongly believe that successful women are usually inspired by other successful women. And if people don’t have great role models–especially role models in whom they can see themselves–they’re at a big disadvantage.

“Connect with a sage—someone at least one step ahead on your career path.  Then, be the sage to other future women leaders who are at least one step behind you.   Above all, nurture a loving relationship with yourself.  Mentor your inner sage and embrace the cornucopia you deserve.”

Elizabeth shares, “She saw in me what I did not see in myself and continued to nurture and help me grow my talents until I was able to do the same for others.”

Not many women know that you are fortunate if in your early career you find a strong, caring woman leader mentor.

Like these women, if you’ve achieved success by beating leadership challenges women face today, you can also dispel doubts and instill confidence in other aspiring women leaders.

Share your advice and inspire others.

Women Leadership – Aspiring yet not Thriving

Giving a leadership role or having a quota for women in senior leadership won’t solve the problem of gender inequality. The management must understand the roots of the issue – why women don’t make it to the top.

Many would associate their professional careers with Meghna, who started her career with high aspirations yet landed at a stagnant role in the middle management for several years and later put to a non challenging role which was said “it would be easier”. The initial years were promising of a bright career but things started to take a different shape when she got married and had kids. Many women are not even aware of the bias they have faced. What went wrong in her case was initially she got a lot of leadership lessons to handle the new leadership roles but later after her first child her potential was treated secondary stating she won’t be able to handle the pressure. The organization failed to groom her for the new leadership challenges.  Post maternity her growth stopped post senior manager. Her manager assumes that the increased responsibility at home would be a road block and she would not be as promising for a new challenging role as she has been. Her existing process was handed over to another manager and the organization failed to develop her for any new assignment.

The problem doesn’t stop at what people think; the problem is also how a woman perceives herself to be. Sakshi, a financial consultant chose to move her role from client interactions to backend operations because she failed to see herself as leading the way forward. She could not hold her point of view with clients and be assertive. She’s still doing justice to the new role but the organization lost a potential leader who could have proven to be future leader.

The existing leadership development programs fail to see that the current gender bias that persist which disrupts women to see them as leaders. They fail to encourage and motivate women to see themselves as leaders as well as be perceived as leaders by everyone else. Researches done by various organizations (like Mckinsey and KPMG) have highlighted those women who aspire to be leaders are not confident enough to lead.

For organizations that insist on diversity for senior positions to boost their productivity, must have leadership development programs that address the personal development of women keeping in mind the following aspects:

1. Coach:  Talented and dynamic women leaders who can serve to be role models can mentor other future woman leaders to build their confidence. Their experiences could be critical to empower all other women who aspire to grow to higher levels and leverage rather than question their abilities.

2. Exercise:  Organizations should provide challenging assignments that helps future woman leaders build confidence to step out of their comfort zone. Leadership Development programs should be designed to help them to shift from aspiring to be leaders to developing the confidence to lead. It’s like unleashing their potential.

3. Engage: Receiving encouragement through programs that provide constructive feedback for further scope of development along with appreciation for a job well done and not just raises and promotions. Like Sakshi, many women face challenges collaborating and networking. A leadership development program that engages them on how to be bold and assertive.

4. Transitioning: Leadership development programs must support smooth transitioning to big roles. Providing challenging and aspiring opportunities to collaborate and create networks can only show results when women are made aware of their own strengths and not what others perceived them to be.

For women who aspire to be leaders it’s time to own your success. Take onus if you are determined to step up into the leadership role. Be confident to ask for what you deserve, don’t let gender define or limit your view on what you can accomplish in the future. Don’t chicken out from opportunities that push you out of your comfort zone. Invest on yourself through development programs that give you direction to increase your potential and make you ready for the big roles.

We would be happy to help. Do check our “Woman in Action” program meant for high aspiring women like you who wish to thrive and reach their full potential. To know more http://leaderinu.in/products.html

 

Leadership Redefined for Future: Power to Participation

World of work is changing, or rather world in general is changing. Smart machines, global connectivity, rapid technology developments are reshaping the way we think about work, what constitutes work or the skills we will need to be productive in future. As we move ahead in future, the challenge for leaders is not just the right people but also the right work for them. It’s our ability to adapt and innovate, our keenness to learn – that keeps us one step ahead and lead the way. The expectations from leaders are changing, so what skills do we need to develop as leaders to be successful in 2020?

There are many research available for the projected skills required for the workplace of future, more specifically, I suggest the below the 6 Leadership skills for the future – skills that makes us future ready.

1. Social Intelligence – Collaboration: An old friend of mine in one of the top hotels of the industry once told me, getting the first fresh lot of vegetables in the morning is a challenge that we must beat. How was he meeting this challenge? Through Collaboration. Be it business or a job, collaborating is the key to keep the edge in your career. When I say collaboration, I don’t mean adding people to your LinkedIn profile or collecting cards at an open forum.  Connect, learn how others are doing it and figure out how it can benefit your business.  Meeting and knowing someone from same industry but diverse thoughts can ignite new ideas. Go beyond association, reduce silos, and devote time to build interconnections of ideas.  Collaborations that saved a dying business, was started by networking.

2. Design Mindset – Start thinking like a designer: In today’s new age leadership solutions must generate value to the society as well as the customer’s life. As a leader, not only you should develop a design mindset, but create and protect a culture where people are free to think, open to ideas and excited to execute their ideas.

Read more about design mindset (Design Thinking – The New Innovation Strategy)

3. Brand Yourself – Making your presence felt:  The next generation leadership is about how you use your influence to motivate, collaborate and manage others. Whether it’s Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg, both have the ‘posture of composure’. They may be dressed in casuals (jeans n t-shirts) but they are a BRAND in themselves.

Find out how to make your presence felt: (Decoding Executive Presence – 7 ways to create the ‘WOW’ factor)

4. Entrepreneur mindset – Taking risk: It’s a risk which Ritesh Agarwal (Oyo room) took when he decided to adopt 3star hotel rooms and sell under his brand. He’s made an identity with travel aggregators like ‘Make My trip”. As a leader if you have the vision and a team to perform all you need is a gut to execute the idea.

5. Develop Leaders: Jim Collins also said and John Maxwell also agreed that leaders must create more leaders. If you don’t fill your space with someone else you stop your growth and the company’s growth. Future leaders are expected to hold their people accountable not only for delivering results but how they accomplish them.

6. Adaptive thinking:Leaders in the future must be adaptive to change. Let go off your previously held assumptions and move ahead with capability of managing yourself amidst unanticipated circumstances. Walk in the future with curiosity to learn and unlearn what has worked well in the past. Be curious to find new ‘dimensions’, be humble to learn, be calm when multitudes of events compete for your attention and be stubborn to challenge the ‘obvious’.

The new age or the future proofed leaders have the challenges of complexity, diversity and ambiguity; to beat these they must develop the above skills. These are a completely new combination of skills and qualities to equip them for the unforeseen and fast paced business climate.

Are you preparing yourself for the skills required to be successful? How are you keeping up with future? What sets you apart as a leader? Check our programs and Register Today! http://leaderinu.in/registration.html

7 tips to communicate effectively

Effective communication is an essential component of professional success whether it is at the interpersonal, inter-group, intra-group, organizational, or external level. 85% percent of our success in life is directly attributable to our communication skills.

At school we are taught how to speak, we are taught about vocabulary, grammar, pronunciation but the elements of effective communication are rarely taught.

Effective communication is one of the most important life skills we can learn—yet one we don’t usually put a lot of effort into. I’ll share communication tips which if used consistently, will help you achieve better communication results.

You are talking even when you are not

Will you share your inhibitions on the new project if your boss is sitting on his chair both arms closed and body turned away?

You have called a team member to share feedback on his progress at work. He enters the room and you are sitting on your chair with arms crossed or your attention is divided by your laptop or your phone. What does this say about you?

Don’t forget that you’re constantly communicating even when you’re not saying a word. Our non-verbal and non-written cues often reveal more than we think they do.

What should we do then? Tailor your body language; give them the right amount of eye contact and try keeping your hands out of your pocket.

Another way to make a connection with someone or simply put them at ease is to try copying their gestures and poses. This is called mirroring. When done with intend mirroring can be important part of developing relationships and building rapport. It starts with observing body postures of the other person and then suddenly letting your body posture reflect his/her position in return. When a person is closed off or resistant the easiest way to increase his/her comfort level is to use mirroring. Just be careful not to use highly negative postures such as both arms closed or upper body that’s turned away.

Go slow – With words and information

You just finished explaining the new process and your employee has no questions to ask.

The first impression of one of my company’s client was that he’s highly qualified and presentable man. But when he was asked to share the structure of the process which was handed over to us; his rate of speech was so high that the team didn’t pick some of the most important aspects. You think the first impression held any importance after that? No. Don’t be afraid to be slow, take a pause before you speak. Trust me the others will not mind that. Practice to go slow because I know reducing your rate of speech can be difficult. With practice and will you can achieve to communicate well.

Same is the case with information, manager called the team member and shared 10 project reports of different companies out of which had to design a project on ecommerce for the company. With too much information the team member lost the aim they had for their project. Communicate the goals for the outcome which are clear and specific along with deadlines and share only that much information which can be processed at a time.

Cut down ‘umm’ and ‘like’

What happens when you start talking while you are still thinking? Ummmm

One of my colleagues used to say ‘um’ after every sentence. Half way down the conversation I used to loose interest and make an excuse to leave. ‘Um’ and ‘like’ are used when we are thinking not when we are communicating. Keep track of Um’s and ah’s; these words project lack of confidence. People have little interest in listening to those individuals who cannot add value to a situation or topic, but force themselves into a conversation just to hear them speak.

WE instead of ME

The boss started speaking “I will make this process achieve the highest……” Beyond this the employee is not interested. Do you know why?

Trust is best created by earning it. People only open up to those they trust. When people trust their leader they will invest their time, effort and mind. Use words like “we, us, we’re, our, and ourselves” to instantly build a bond.

One of friends shared that in his organization, post employee satisfaction survey, it came across that the employees are not satisfied with management policies. The leader decided to take action by address the team. Rather than communicating that they would like know ‘why’, ‘what’ and the ‘how’; he started justifying the policies. The team never shared the feedback again. If you don’t build trust, the communication channel will close.

A story can activate the brain

Wonder why you like reading a storybook more than a rule book?

I have always enjoyed and learned more when my manager used a story to present the topic and explain the situation. Personal stories and gossip make up 65% of our conversations. Whenever we hear a story, we want to relate it to one of our existing experiences. The next time you struggle with getting people on board with your projects and ideas, simply tell them a story. According to Princeton researcher Hasson, storytelling is the only way to plant ideas into other people’s minds.

Listen with your eyes as well as your ears

Does your mind start to wander when others talk?

My daughter was telling me what happened at school, but my mind was occupied planning for the house party. She’s too young to read by face and body language to know that I am not listening but at the workplace, that’s not the case. Biggest disaster was post a meeting with the client my boss asked “What would be the turnaround time for the process?”. We all looked at each other and the client was skeptical of her abilities because she was not listening when he was sharing the process details. Another very common example “I can raed tinghs out of oderr.”; I am sure we all can read it as “I can read things out of order”. Just as our brain assumes the words we see, it can also fill the words what we hear. Listening is critical for communication; you cannot have a conversation if you don’t know what the other person is talking about.

Practice the following:

• Look Interested
• Maintain eye contact
• When your brain wanders, bring it back

Till the time you are good at speed listening, keep asking the follow up questions.

Show enthusiasm

What’s your reaction when the moment you enter your office and settle on your seat an employee comes and tells you “The lines are down we are not able to connect”?

I specifically remember one of my managers who always had a smile even when I went to her with problems or issues. She had a positive aura which helped me surpass any problem. All she did was, ask me a few questions and I would realize I already had the solution to my issues. When you give your team the impression that you are excited about talking to them and that you care about them, you make them feel better about themselves. As a result, they’ll be more likely to really open up to you.

Keep in mind that communication is not about you, your opinions, your positions or your circumstances. It’s about helping others by meeting their needs, understanding their concerns, and adding value to their world. Hope these tips help you reduce the number of challenges that you face while communicating with others.

Do you know how to ask the right questions and get better answers????

You read our blog on “Art of Questioning”, in this blog I will be talking about some situation for each technique and with a few examples of each question type.

# Type 1 – Open Question

These questions are used to gather information and are most effective if the conversation is already established. These questions prompt the other person to talk about the topic and provide more information, it elicits longer answers. These questions help the other person articulate their thoughts and also help you understand their perspective, views, feelings and attitude.

Open questions help you develop a conversation; find out more details or perspective of the other person. So start using “tell me” or “describe” or begin with why…?, what…?, where…?, which…? and how…?

But while framing these questions, don’t appear to be judgmental and directive. Example

• What did you do to resolve this issue?
• Tell me what do you think about this?
• How will you describe your current situation?
• Who else might you be able to approach to resolve this issue?
• Describe the circumstances in more details.

# Type 2 – Closed Question

These questions are simple “Yes” or “No” answer with no chance to elaborate the answer. These can be used in reaching to a conclusion or controlling conversation while dealing with an issue. However this limits the gathering of information and fails to explore various different possibilities or perspectives.

In some situations, asking closed questions helps like if we need an affirmative or negative response or if we need to make a decision. Examples of some closed questions that are helpful

• Now as we all are aware of the facts, do we agree that this is the right course of action?
• Where you aware that process had not been followed?
• Are you happy with the service of your bank?
• Were you aware of this situation earlier?

But overuse of closed questions or a misplaced one will kill the conversation or lead to misunderstand or awkward silence.

# Type 3 – Probing Question

These questions involve starting with general question but then homing in on a point in the answer. It helps in drawing out additional information and clarifying if the understanding is correct. It helps in uncovering details.

We need to be extra careful with our body language as more supportive or neutral; otherwise it may come across as interrogation rather than discussion. Some examples of the questions

• What would you have done differently?’
• Could you be more specific?
• Who is involved in this situation?
• When do you need this report by?
• When would you like to see the draft of the same?

An effective way of probing is to use 5 Whys method, this helps you get to the root cause.

# Type 4 – Leading Question

These questions are best used where you need to influence other persons’ thinking or want to lead the person to your way of thinking. They are especially useful in training situations where you can guide the other person to see the importance of performing a task in a set way. We do this by adding our assumptions to the question or phrasing it in a way to elicit the response that we need.

For example:

• How late do you think that you can submit the report? (Adding our assumption that the report is late)
• Do you think it will be better to go with option 2? (Phrasing the question to get desired answer “yes” )
• Shouldn’t we have contacted the bank manager instead of reaching to the sales staff? (Adding our personal opinion or option)

These questions helps in getting the desired answer yet making the other person feel that they have had choice. But we need to be cautious because if used in self serving way, then it can be seen as manipulative or dishonest.

# Type 5 – Reflective Question

Use this when you want to review a situation that will enable the other person to reflect on how things could have been done differently. It is like using exactly the same words in your questions that you just heard which gives the other person the opportunity to explore their perspective or knowledge about the situation. For example

• You mentioned that the situation as “frustrating”, why is that?
• I heard you say that your team is “under performing”, why do you think so?

# Type 6 – Clarifying Question

This technique is very useful when we need to check the other person’s understanding or clarify it. It’s done by paraphrasing and repeating back the key points. This helps in drawing the agenda item and bringing everyone back to the focus point. By rephrasing and summarizing, you bring a new interpretation and also check on your comprehension of the problem/ issue, but the trick one need to listen very carefully.

Some examples:

• So if you get all the details from the MIS team, will you be able to submit the report, is that correct?
• If I heard you correctly, you felt very upset about the way you had been treated by your manager?

Now you are aware of the many techniques of questioning, feel free to use the same in situations that best for it. But make sure that you give the person enough time to respond. They may need time to reflect or think before they respond to you, so don’t take their silence as negative response and plow on. By asking the right questions, you can help the other person solve a problem, work through an issue, or make a decision.

Some questions that can be asked differently:

Instead of…	Try asking…
Are there things you observe that you might be able to leverage?	What things do you observe that you might be able to leverage?
Why did you choose to go with this option for the problem?	What characteristics of the problem make it important for you right now?
What could you do, how might you do that and by when?	What could you do? (then later ask the other two questions separately if they are still appropriate)
Did you ask your manager?	Who else might you be able to approach for insight and perspective on this issue?
I ran into a similar situation myself and I tried…	How have you handled similar situations in the past?
Let’s talk about….	Where would you like to go next?

Are your questions ending the conversations or taking it to the next level?

In the computer industry, there is a saying “Garbage in, Garbage out”, a popular truth. If you put the wrong information in, you’ll get the wrong information out. Same goes for communication as well, if you ask the wrong question, probably you’ll get the wrong information. It’s not only important to listen effectively (Read our blog ‘Are you listening to what people are really saying? Or are you hearing?’) but also to ask the right question so that you can take the conversation to the next level, for example to understand the other person better, build stronger relationships and manage people more effectively. Powerful questioning compliments effective listening.

I’ll share a difficult situation that made me realize how bad I am at asking questions and I need to build my skills on this. I was talking to a friend of mine, who was working as Sales Manager in one of the largest FMCG companies. He was telling me about his last quarter and how he couldn’t get his team to meet the targets and now the team’s morale is very low. The conversation went something like this:

Friend: I want to share with you about my team performance in last quarter.

Me: Tell me what happened

Friend: We had a very aggressive target to achieve, and one of my strongest team members had personal issues, was away for almost a month. The rest of the team was so laid back, that despite of me meeting them daily, morning and evening to catch up on numbers didn’t work. They were always struggling and coming up with excuses.

Me: Are you poor at managing people?

Friend: No

Me: Whose fault was it?

Friend: Not mine

Me: Do you want to change your team?

Friend: I haven’t thought of that. Ok I need to go, I am in rush

Me: But you said, you want to talk…

Asking questions, it sounds so simple, but very often, what you are trying to ask gets lost despite of your best intentions.

I was feeling miserable and kept thinking what did I do wrong, that my friend left in such a hurry, I was only trying to help him. But he never came back with his issues or any problems ever, which made me reflect on the questions that I had asked him. I realized that I had to build my skills in questioning techniques. There are many different types of questions that one can ask, but we need to become familiar with how and when to use the different types of questions that will enable us to achieve our objective of the conversation more easily. After much reading and practice, I started working on my questioning techniques.

I would like to share with you some of the learning that has helped me improve my questioning technique. I always ask these questions to myself about the conversation I was to have with the other person which helped me clarify the objective:

1> Define your objective of the conversation – Information, Knowledge, Discovery or Action

2> Decide the way you want to attain this – Enquiry, Probing, Clarity or Directing

3> Actively listen to response and respond back accordingly

You should be clear in your objective, whether you need to clarify understanding, gain commitment or to overcome objections, learning which type of question will best achieve your aim is essential for a successful leader.  A successful leader knows when to listen (Read our blog ‘How to have effective conversations? Key is “How to listen” and not talk’ on tips for effective listening) and when to ask questions. It’s best to start by listening (Read our blog ‘How to have effective conversations? Key is “How to listen” and not talk’ on tips for effective listening). Powerful questions enable you to engage the other person into a discussion and lead them to think through the issues, providing you a better insight into the issue/problem. Positive powerful questions are meant to create awareness. They help integrate information already stored in different parts of the brain. Questions are undeniably a magic tool that allows the genie in your mind to meet your objective for the conversation.

These questions helped me gain clarity of what I wanted to achieve from the conversation. By understanding the objective of the conversation and then asking the right set of questions not only helps in learning, but also relationship building and avoiding misunderstandings. I will be talking about some situation and the kind of questions to ask or not to ask to have an effective conversation. Look out for our next blog on “What kind of questions to ask”.

How to have effective conversations? Key is “How to listen” and not talk

In our previous blog ‘Are you listening to what people are really saying? Or are you hearing?’ we talked about what are the barriers to effective listening; in this one we are going to talk about how can we overcome those barriers. We all have gone through situations where either we are not listening or the other person’s not listening and that’s because listening doesn’t come naturally to everyone ( Less than 2 percent of people have had any formal education on how to listen ) but we really don’t know “How” to overcome it. We will share some situations and each situation helps us reflect how good or bad we are at listening and how we can work on our listening skills, but the devil is in the detail and there are no shortcuts, so more you practice better you become.

Lets look at the situation, where we are facing an issue and we take it to our managers. You approach your manager to seek help on the issue you are facing with vendor management especially on negotiating with the scope and costing of any project.

You – Enter his room

Manager (eyes on the laptop) –Go Ahead

You – Explain the issue that how you need to negotiate with every vendor for each project

Manager – Phone rings and he starts talking to his wife, and gives a blank look you and say ‘Sorry, I didn’t get that. What were you saying?

You – by this time, you have given-up

More than often, we are distracted by external factors like phone, papers, laptops, thoughts etc – but it sends a signal that you are disinterested in listening to the other person. But if you pay undivided attention to him, you will be able to build trust.

How to listen effectively without getting distracted:

• Look and act interested by leaning forward and facing the person speaking to you.
• Maintain eye contact while the other person is speaking
• Keep nodding to demonstrate that you are listening or use encouraging words like “aha”, go on”
• Paraphrase what you heard – “So what you are saying is….”,
• Put aside your cell phone or put it on silent, close your computer (or any other distractions)
• Focus on the speaker and put other thoughts out of your mind, so that they know you are interested which helps you build trust in them.

Another very common situation we deal everyday: At lunch I shared the post by a famous celebrity on beef ban in India. The celebrity criticized the fuss created over beef ban. One of my colleagues just jumped with a statement “US and Australia are not secular nations how can he make such a comment”. The second one said “I am a vegetarian, so good it’s banned. I don’t know how people eat non-vegetarian”. Another one said “When is KBC starting”

What were the barriers to listening we saw here? People hear what they wish to hear. Some are already ready with their reply before you even finish.  They have their own ideas, experiences, bias around a topic and they decode it accordingly. Have you ever fallen into this trap?

Can we overcome the barrier of selective listening, let’s see!

• Don’t let your prejudice effect your listening, allow the other person to share his thoughts
• Don’t talk for the sake of talking and to prove your point – could get you in a “foot in your mouth situation”
• Ensure you accurately reflect back content and feelings without adding any interpretation or meaning – you can ask “Sounds like this topic is of interest to you! Is that right?”
• Observe his/her reactions while speaking – body language, gestures, facial expressions – this would help you build on the trust and get deeper insights about the person.

Many times we get into a situation where a team member approaches you for solution to a crisis situation he is facing. Like one of your team member comes to you with the issue of current rate of attrition in his team. He explains how it has been very high in the past quarter in spite of all his efforts. But instead of listening or clarifying about the situation, you immediately start criticizing his team management skills.

What would happen here? Making a judgment about the person, or having a closed mind will lead to dis-functioning team. Now days, we are forced to judge even before we have all the information as we need to make quick decisions, but its essential for us to listen and get more insights into the situation.

Stop judging and start listening

• Listen actively using encouraging words like ‘Aha’, ‘Right’, ‘Yes’, ‘Okay’, to keep the person talking and to demonstrate interest
• Don’t impose your solutions – rather probe to seek out the other person’s thoughts and ideas – ask,”Tell me more about how that idea might work.”
• Build on the conversation by asking appropriate questions to take it to the next level
• Respect the other person for his or her knowledge and skills, irrespective of the person’s background. DO NOT MAKE JUDGEMENT
• Give space to other person to speak – do not interrupt. This will reinforce the trust with your team and create a culture of openness.

With the ever-changing targets/deadlines, we sometimes forget to appreciate our team and effort they put in to achieve it.  Have you faced this? A team member comes to share his achievement with you. He shares with you about how this client has sent a letter of appreciation for the efforts the team has put in to achieve the targets and quality, despite of the tight deadlines and ever changing demands.  He also shares that he will extend the contract, your reaction “I know; I saw the email. See I told you it will work”.

And what just happened here – you just killed the buzz. Your “I know it all” attitude killed the sense of pride and achievement in your team member.  Sometimes we feel we have more knowledge, experience and expertise than the other person, which creates a barrier to listen to them and understand them.

Listen to appreciate and recognize

• Acknowledge and appreciate your team member.
• Stop thinking that it’s about you. It not your agenda, but your team
• Look into his eyes, and reflect his feelings – “I can hear a great sense of achievement among the team, is that correct?”
• Watch body language: eyes, tone of voice, posture, pace of speech to understand the emotions attached to the achievement. It helps you get more insights about the emotions attached to the other person.

This happens to us all the time, we have an idea, we propose and the feedback or questions we are faced with, is something we don’t want to listen at all.Like in this situation, you have shared a proposal for new project with your team. One of the new team members have many ideas, and asks questions to seek clarification.You are taken aback with so many clarifications on your proposal and start treating the discussion as disagreement.

Now, you will try to impose your opinion without knowing the different perspective about your team members. As a result, you loose trust within your team and never get new ideas or perspectives from them.

Seek different perspectives by listening at all levels:

• When they share their opinions: ask clarification questions – “What things do you observe in this…”
• Encourage them to elaborate and expand upon their perspectives by probing more – “What more can we do…”
• Don’t defend your idea; rather seek inputs from others by encouraging them to provide their inputs. Ask more open ended questions to take the discussion forward.

Don’t just listen to those who agree with you, but actively seek out dissenting opinions and thoughts. Listen to those that confront you, challenge you, stretch you, and develop you. And most important is to summarize; whether or not there was an argument or an agreement, summarize as a good practice to avoid any confusions in the future. Effective listening will help you build trust within your team and build stronger relationships.

It’s an ongoing effort to become an effective listener in today’s world of distractions, but we need to make a conscious effort to learn how to listen effectively.

Are you listening to what people are really saying? Or are you hearing?

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.

Rachel Naomi Remen

Have you ever faced a situation when you are talking to someone, and they are working on their computer or scanning papers? Or when your child is talking to you and you are busy checking your phone or watching television? How much undivided attention are you giving or getting today? 5 % or 20 %?

In today’s digital, high-speed world, communication is more important then ever, with multiple channels of communication available to us. Yet we seem to have less effective communication and less time to really listen to each other.  Listening has become a rare gift and very precious one.

Attention means we are actually listening to the other person and not just hearing some noises or sounds. Listening means paying attention to not only what is being said (words), but also how it is said (body language). Effective listening helps build the connect with your team, clients or rather build string relationships, resolve conflicts and improve productivity. We need to make an effort to hear not only the words that other person is saying but, more importantly, how they are saying it and try to understand the complete message being sent.

Imagine that you have just walked through your team on the new product and you want them to start selling it right away, and all of them say “yes” but with a sulking face, and laid back body language, if your listening to them effectively, you will pick these signs and seek clarification, BUT if your are just hearing, then you ignore and may loose business as well as team effectiveness.

Or when the other person is talking, we are busy thinking of what to reply? Or we wander away to think of other things like “where am I going for dinner tonight? Will I be able to meet my targets? Will I get tickets for the movie over the weekend? What does my boss think about me? These thoughts distract us and we loose our attention or rather are not listening to the other person.

Adults spend an average of 70% of their time engaged in some sort of communication, of this an average of 45% is spent listening compared to 30% speaking, 16% reading and 9% writing. (Based on the research of: Adler, R., Rosenfeld, L. and Proctor, R. (2001).

To become an effective communicator or leader, we should build our listening skills. But what actually stops us from listening:

• I know – Knowing the answer
• I am trying to help you
• Treating discussion as competition
• Trying to influence or impress
• Selective perception – Hearing what we wish to hear
• Prejudices or biased by age, gender, race, religion, past experience
• Wrong/unclarified assumptions – forming a judgment or evaluating before understanding
• Interrupting
• Fear of being criticized or being changed ourselves
• Phone calls
• Fidgeting
• Boredom
• Noise
• Lack of planning
• Lack of time or distance
• Excessive talking
• Information overload
• Cultural barriers – Like a regional accent

There are many barriers to effective listening including the ones which you create yourself if you are not careful. Avoid inappropriate nonverbal cues, taking the spotlight, stereotyped reaction, pretending understanding, over reacting and under-reaching.

Read our next blog on tips to become effective communicator.

Leaders as Coaches…how to inspire and influence?

Today’s learning organizations lay emphasis on effective leaders learning to coach their team..but why, why do leaders need to coach? Coaching not only helps leaders build relationships with their team but also help team realize their potential to deliver beyond. Coaching helps to build up and if leader can get it right, he becomes a person of great influence. It’s a massive responsibility and is essential to know how to coach.

Leader as a coach must:

…Inspire towards the Vision

Leader Coach must have the ability to inspire and encourage others towards the common goal. As a Leader Coach you must direct the team, must hand hold them towards the goal. If you are not passionate about the work you cannot coach anyone to perform or improve.

…Enhance skills

You are not just coaching to improve performance but also to develop their skills. Leader Coach must create an environment to evoke creativity and talent in people. Remember you are leading them so it’s important that you channelize team’s ideas.

…Excellent listening skills

You should listen without assuming, interrupting, advising or correcting. Set aside assumptions and do not presume. The more sharply attentive you are, the more keenly you will sense other person’s inner state. You must monitor your own body language to ensure that it telegraphs openness.

…Have a plan to lead

Leader Coach believes in creating change rather than managing change. What has worked in the past shall not hold good for the future. So you must coach to find new paths and plans to achieve results. You must anticipate and share the obstacles or changes that you foresee. Your personal experiences and learning helps the team to learn more.

..Have social intelligence

Leader Coach must build a rapport with the team. When people are in rapport, you can be more creative and more efficient in decision making. You must also be able to perceive situations from another perspective.  Anticipate questions, concerns and fears and address them openly and completely.

…Build a culture of trust and openness

Your people should not hesitate to object or disagree. You must have an open mind set to welcome a disagreement as an opportunity to explore new view points. People should not have the fear of being judged and you should not fear of being too vulnerable.

…Take feedback

Leader Coach should be open to receive feedback and know how effective your coaching is. Numbers are objective; you need a subjective point of view to enhance your effectiveness.